literature

Be still

Deviation Actions

LadyKylin's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

    take a breath
          Close your eyes
                     let it out
                            listen to silence.
I do not know. Just randomly got it in my head, nothing else came so this is what you get.

Comments concerns and the like are welcome.

I think it needs a background maybe....
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Comments14
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Aro-chan's avatar
this is actually concrete, not visual poetry. I just the think the 'Now" is extra, because 'take' already indicates that the action must be done presently.
I think it would be better if you made it:
Take a breath
Now close your eyes
Let it out
And listen to silence.

You could try adding something more to this, like 'be silent, be still' or something that would make it unique